Why a Standard VA Might Not Work for You (And What to Look for Instead)

You finally did it. You felt the overwhelm, realised you couldn’t do it all alone, and hired a Virtual Assistant.

But three weeks in, something feels off. You’re ghosting your VA because you’re embarrassed that you haven’t finished the tasks they need from you. Or perhaps they are sending you "gentle reminders" that feel like stinging critiques. Suddenly, managing your assistant feels like more work than doing the admin yourself.

If this sounds familiar, the problem isn’t you—and it might not even be the VA. The problem is that standard administrative support is designed for neurotypical brains.

The "Standard" VA Trap

A traditional VA is trained on efficiency, rigid systems, and a "just tell me what to do" mentality. While that works for many, it often misses the mark for the ADHD professional for three main reasons:

1. Linear Systems vs. Nonlinear Brains: Standard VAs often expect a clean hand-off of tasks. They don't always know how to help you navigate the "fog" when you know you need help but can’t quite articulate the first step.

2. The Communication Gap: A standard VA might send a list of 10 questions at 9:00 AM. For a neurodivergent client, that can trigger instant executive function shutdown.

3. The Accountability Paradox: Without specific training, a VA’s follow-up can accidentally feel like "nagging," which triggers the ADHD shame cycle and leads to the client withdrawing.

What Makes an ADHD-Aware VA Different?

An ADHD-aware VA doesn't just manage your inbox; they manage the friction between your brain and your business. Here is what to look for instead:

1. Empathy Over Efficiency

An ADHD-aware VA understands that your "to-do" list isn't just a list—it’s a source of emotional weight. They offer guilt-free assistance. If you miss a meeting or forget to reply, they don’t judge; they pivot. They know that shame is the biggest productivity killer, so they work to eliminate it from the partnership.

2. Body Doubling and Co-Working

Instead of just taking a task away, an ADHD-aware VA might hop on a 20-minute Zoom call with you just to "be there" while you both clear your inboxes. This technique, known as body doubling, is a game-changer for staying on task.

3. "Dopamine-Friendly" Communication

Rather than overwhelming you with long emails, a specialist VA will ask how you receive information best. Maybe it’s voice notes, short WhatsApp check-ins, or visual project boards. They adapt their style to keep your dopamine levels up and your anxiety levels down.

What to Look for in Your Next Hire

If you are ready to try again, look for these three green flags during the interview process:

• Neurodiversity Training: Have they invested in understanding ADHD specifically? (Look for the Max Lawrence ADHD VA Certification).

• Flexibility in Tools: Are they willing to use the tools that work for you, rather than forcing you into a rigid project management system that feels like a chore?

• Proactive Problem Solving: Do they offer to help "triage" your brain when you’re overwhelmed, rather than waiting for you to give them a perfect set of instructions?

Find the Support You Deserve

You don’t need a "standard" assistant. You need a partner who understands how your mind works and builds a scaffold around your strengths.

At the ADHD Virtual Assistant Directory, every VA is vetted and understands the unique challenges of neurodiversity. Stop trying to fit your round-peg brain into a square-hole system.

Browse our directory of ADHD-aware VAs today